Whether to Laugh or Cry?

“We are just statistics, born to consume resources.”

― Horace

Horace (that ancient Greek who, among many other things, was a master at satire), would have loved two things that caught my attention in the paper recently. 

Bold headline in the business section recently announced that “iPhone sales ends 13-year Apple growth streak”. Seems the first quarter of Apple’s phone sales were off 13%, falling short of Wall Street’s expectations. Apple’s quarterly (that’s just the first 3 months of this year, remember) net profit – after deducting all expenses – fell to only $10.5 billion (yep, that’s with a “b”), and resulted in each shareholder’s quarterly stock dividend check being only $1.90 instead of an expected $2.00 a share, and resulted in a market mini-melt-down with Apple shares taking a 5% sell-off.

This wasn’t intended to make me laugh, but it did. 

We have a real crisis here, folks!

No doubt this will cause those with stock in Apple to tighten their monthly budget, and unemployment levels will increase as Apple lays off employees to recoup their loss. When I was in the market for a new phone recently, instead of buying a better rated Android model, I considered maybe I should buy an iPhone so that I could help keep Apple out of bankruptcy and their shareholders forgoing their next latte. (But it was only a fleeting thought, why buy a lower rated product?)

Then there was in the comics page about the same time where Baldo is in his perpetually trashed bedroom, saying, “Hey, Buddy, there you are! I thought I lost you! I don’t know what I’d do if you ever disappeared.” Picking up his misplaced cell phone, he adds, “Go crazy, I guess.”

This was intended to make me laugh, but it didn’t.

We have a real crisis here, folks!

How crazy to think someone without a cell phone? Consider the fact that the government is giving (at no cost) cell phones to the homeless (along with unlimited calling and texting, and 500 megabytes Internet, per month, again, free). I suppose, so they can go on-line to check how their stock in Apple is doing, call their broker, and then text their buddies about the loss they’re suffered in the market.

Alas, poor Horace, how you’d love to be alive today!

– Bill

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